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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.