Daily Silly Status

I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults

I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.

I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"

I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.

Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.

Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.

My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger

The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.

everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that

Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.

Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.

We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?

on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!

"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."