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Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
I flunked anger management class.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance