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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".