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I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
A hard thing about business is minding your own
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.