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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk