Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?