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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
If at first you don`t succeed, find out where she lives.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted