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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!