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I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
With great power comes great electricity bill.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.