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I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.