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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
That moment when you run into a spider web and suddenly become a karate master.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.