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If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.