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Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.