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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.