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Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong