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I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
I BRIEFLY had an urge to clean ... but that lasted only 5 minutes .. whew! That was close! Lol
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.