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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you