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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.