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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.