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My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?