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It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.