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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
Why do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There`s like 10 women to each man and they`re already there looking for things they don`t need.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?