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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
I`m a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Is food porn star a thing yet??
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"