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I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.