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If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)