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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.