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If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
If you want to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 9am, don`t be open.
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"