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According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!