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I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.