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20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge