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in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?