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Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me