Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.