Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.