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It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...