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Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
My number was 0...