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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.