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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
If Iām not eating Iām most likely not happy.
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if Iād like whipped cream on it.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?