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I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.