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I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.