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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.