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This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
Real friends show me their boobs
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.