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Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?