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Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
is battling with eyelids
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.