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that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.