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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
If I owned a copy shop, Iād only hire identical twins to work there.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, Knock over a lamp, and kill a cat.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)