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I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
I fake my lol`s