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I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
status uploading
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science