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I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.