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What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you`re walking.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.