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Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"