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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.