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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over