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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.