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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.