Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.