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I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
Living out of your car isn`t so bad if you keep telling yourself you`re "on tour"
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.