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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
Hello...
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?